THIS IS WHO I AM NOW

It’s funny because when I started my last blog the words just flowed. I didn’t have to think much about what I was writing I just put fingers to keys and let it happen. I have thought a lot about my first post for this page and I haven’t known where to start. There are so many different aspects of my life now that are all intertwined but somehow separate at the same time. They involve other people’s lives, which makes me mindful of how I write about situations. Some of the topics I want to talk about are ones that some people have very strong opinions on and I needed to make sure I was ready to open that door. Some people will have already formed an opinion on my current life or past behaviour that is conflicting to the truth behind closed doors. Do I even want to go down that path? Do I care enough about these opinions to give them the time of day by writing about them? What do I want to achieve with this blog?

So I decided tonight I might just do my introduction and work from there.

My name is Natalie Isobel Reynolds and I am a 29 year old, recently single mother who is also a cancer survivor. I started my first blog back in 2014 when I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Colorectal Cancer as a way of processing the horrible situation my young family had been plunged into. I don’t want to spend too much time here discussing the ins and outs of the past 3 and a bit years because you can pop over to here https://natsbigfight.tumblr.com/post/88414536608/the-beginning but be prepared as it’s not a small read! 

Here’s the basic run down:

• -        In a relationship for 8 years, owned our own home and had a 15 month old baby girl, getting ready to start trying for baby number 2
• -        Diagnosed 1 week after my 26^th birthday with Stage 2 Colorectal Cancer
• -        2 weeks after diagnosis I had major surgery (about 7 hours) where they removed my entire large bowel, created something called a j-pouch out of my small bowel and gave me a temporary ileostomy (poo bag) for 10 months
• -        2 months later I was told I was Stage 4 and needed to have intensive chemotherapy (I was of the unlucky population that had EVERY SINGLE side effect during this time)
• -        I am not a religious woman but after 2 months of chemo I was told that I no longer needed a very complicated operation on my liver and I was in fact only Stage 2 so I should go and drink a bottle of wine and celebrate
• -        April 2015 I had my ileostomy reversed and had to relearn how to poo with my j-pouch and no colon while adjusting my life to deal with these new hurdles
• -        April 2016 my entire mid-line was reopened and surgical mesh inserted to repair a severe hernia and another smaller hernia behind my old stoma site was also repaired
• -        June 2017 I went under the knife yet again to have a uterine prolapse repaired which ended up a very complex surgery taking 3 times as long to complete and during which my bladder was accidentally sliced open making recovery a whole lot worse than it should have been and I was also told that my chances of having another child were now slim
• -        I am in the 2% of the population that develops nerve damage each time the surgeon cuts into me and so I am now dealing with chronic pain and live life very heavily medicated and am currently working hard with my team to get fully rehabilitated and drug free so I can return to a normal life.
• -        I ended my 11.5 year relationship to my daughters Dad 5 months ago and am now trying to balance my rehabilitation and the struggles of my day to day life with being a single Mum

That may seem like a lot to take in but I have left A LOT out of there so if you want the full story pop over to my last blog and catch up. It’s a roller coast of emotions so make sure you have some wine and tissues handy.

My idea behind this blog was to give you a look into the life of not only a single Mum but a single Mum with many daily challenges. I am the type of person who writes brutally honestly, with detail and am open about every aspect of my life. I do this partly because that’s just who I am but also because a lot of people don’t. A lot of people keep their struggles quiet and don’t let the world see how hard they fight to get through each day. I think it’s so easy to get caught up in the world of social media where everyone is posting recipes for vegan chocolate mousse, photos of their kids dressed in expensive designer brands behaving like little angels, full makeup and perfect hair selfies and disgusting over the top posts about how amazing Brad is and how he completes Susan in every way. In reality we are scoffing down a bucket of KFC while the kids run riot around us covered in what we hope is tomato sauce and not their siblings blood, wearing knickers with holes in the crotch and baggy tshirt’s stained in yesterdays breakfast, while we bitch to our friends about how Brad is such an ass-wipe for going out with his friends again and leaving Susan here to deal with the little brats by herself. No one’s life is perfect and I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend that it is. That’s why we have such a massive mental health issue in this country because as kiwis we are taught to harden up and get on with it. I think talking about how you are feeling and what you are dealing with is such an important part of getting through life in one piece. My amazing Mum has always encouraged me to talk freely and there may be people out there who see that as me ‘complaining’ or ‘bitching’ or ‘gloating’ when in actual fact I am just sharing who I am with the world! And you know what – that sharing has saved more than one life. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told that someone’s loved one went and got something checked out after hearing my story and is now alive today to tell the tale.

So I guess the idea behind this blog is to share my life as a cancer survivor, solo mother and single woman so other woman out there know that they are not alone. I too am only just holding things together most days and have at least one moment a day where on the outside I appear to have just zoned out but in actual fact I am just having a full on bitch fit on the inside, while wearing my active wear, hair in a bun and wondering why that boy hasn’t texted me back yet.